I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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