allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
