final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
