chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
