hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
