That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
