Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Randomize
