Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
is wine microwaveable?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
