i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
