meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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