try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
