I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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