so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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