you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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