Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
NoShamevember. You game?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
