Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
