he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
