I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
soo... how was my night?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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