Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
