Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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