What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
