What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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