I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
