called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
