Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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