I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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