Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
