WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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