she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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