just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
