And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
