She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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