Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
