you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
