Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
