My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
