Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
