Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
