you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
