"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Randomize
