she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
