I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
