Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Your penis caused this!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
