Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
