do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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