It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
