Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
