I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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