we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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