Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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