The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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