Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
