Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
