Pappa wants mamma naked
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
