she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
